Smilestone

On Monday, I received my weekly e-mail from ParentCenter.com kindly advising me that Davis was scheduled for an important milestone - his first smile. I hate the word milestone. I think the word itself elicits unnecessary pressure - on Moms and on their kids. Milestones are meant to be rough benchmarks... averages... mere approximations... However, upon receiving the e-mail, I did think, "Jack was smiling by this age. I wonder if Paige's baby is smiling. She's Davis' age."

Whether internally or out loud at a play date, there seems to be this ongoing comparison. It's a compulsion to keep up with each other, and to keep up with the benchmarks. I don't think we MEAN to do this to each other, but as mothers, we just can't seem to control ourselves. If I had a nickle for every time someone has asked me, "When did Jack start walking?" or "How old was he when he started crawling?" or "When did he cut his first tooth?"... I would be able to use all those nickles to buy a big fat parenting book about milestones.

Although we KNOW these are just approximations, it seems to give us some sort of relief or satisfaction when our little one reaches a milestone early... or at least a little earlier than a friend. I mean, I am quite sure that Jack's early teeth-cutting was strictly a result of my supreme parenting skills.

Putting too much stock in these milestones can also cause undue worry. If our little ones don't locate their chatterboxes by 18 months, we worry about speech delay. I have to admit, there have been times I have seen other kids Jack's same age passing him up in some sort of developmental stage (for example, catching a ball or pedaling his bike) and have immediately thought, "Hmm, Jack's behind in that area... I probably need to work on that." I do not want my children to feel this sort of pressure.

Most importantly, I want Davis to grow and develop without being compared to his big brother. Near the end of my pregnancy, I would catch myself saying things like, "Jack didn't kick as much as this baby does." Lately, I have said, "Wow, Jack slept through the night at six weeks and Davis is still up every three hours." I will not make this a habit. I do not want them to be competitive when they get older, and I do not want these thoughts to distract me from enjoying and cherishing each little "first" with Davis - whenever it happens. I will be thoughtful and intentional about this, and hope others in the family will join me in this effort.

Jack is a very unique little guy, advanced in certain areas and behind in others. Davis will have his own gifts and talents, and his own delays and struggles. I want to celebrate these things as they reveal themselves and allow him to take his time when they don't. Davis deserves a mother who inspires him and encourages him to be the little man God designed HIM to be - at his very own pace.

In the meantime, guess who smiled for the first time Wednesday. Guess who felt a tiny bit relieved.