I'm too sexy for my blog.

Motherhood can be really un-sexy. Re-he-heally un-sexy.

After a considerable weight loss over the past several months, I decided today to try on what used to be called (by me) my "sexy jeans." You know the pair, ladies. They are too dressy to wear with your Wal-mart solid-colored V-neck t-shirts and too long to wear with flip flops so you NEVER EVER get a chance to wear them.

Anyway, after ten straight days wearing a ponytail (trying to tame the wild grays constantly trying to escape the hair clip) I decided to wear my hair down today. After all, the Biggest Loser contestants always look skinnier on the nights they are all required to fix themselves up.

So, much to my delight, the jeans fit! I was strutting my stuff down the hallway with a spaghetti strap shirt on that I haven't been able to wear for like two-and-a-half years. Despite having to step over fifteen dinosaurs and two Rubbermaid Baby Barriers in the hallway, I was actually feeling kinda sexy on the "runway".

I finally reached my destination - the big mirror in the living room. Ah, yes. As the saying goes, "Just because it zips, doesn't mean it fits." But... wait just a minute... if I stand sideways like this and don't sit down... or breathe out... I am lookin' kinda... kinda NOT so BAD!

Okay, this could be worse! I then struck my usual pose to test how they will look from behind... you know, up on my tip-toes. Like that makes any sense at all, but my calves look best that way, so that's what I do. Wow, I have come a long way since New Year's. It's been a LONG time since I have even been able to zip these...

Just when I was getting a Hot Mama complex going, I felt something poking me on the side of my ribs. Ow! What the heck is that? Dad gummit, that HURTS!

I looked in the mirror to see that the underwire had finally poked through the side of my nursing bra.

Nothing snaps you out of a "Sasha Fierce" moment faster than a malfunction of your trusty old gray nursing bra while you are in your full on suck-it-in tip-toe sexy jeans pose.

Oh well, I exhaled, looked at the clock and decided I'd better pull my hair back and pack the diaper bag before the kids woke up wanting to be fed before heading to church.

I hung the crisp, dark jeans back up on their hanger, using the same permanent crease I have used the last several times I have hung them back up without wearing them. So I'm definitely still planning on Bringin' Sexy Back, but it turns out today's not the day.

I have to admit, though... for the rest of the evening I've held onto a tiny bit of that feeling, walking with a little skip in my step. It's almost enough to make me hit the treadmill tomorrow.

Nah, my underwire would just end up poking me the whole time. I better just take it easy.