The Harcourt Recruiting Reptile: A Tall Tale

To set the stage a bit: Two weeks ago, it was just a regular day at the office. I was typing away at my desk, doing what I do best... recognizing and recruiting talent and changing people's lives. Okay, so I was making little "MBG" name labels with my LabelMaker. Anyway, this huge brown Iguana, out of nowhere, shoots out from under my chair and runs between my black high heels. I instantly let out a scream... I mean, I calmly delivered an audible alert to the department of a potential hazard, per HR protocol.

I ran into the Longhorn Conference Room, where the HR team had assembled for a Strategic Integration Planning Session. Okay, they were counting raffle tickets and pecan pralines for the upcoming company barbecue. Anyway, I scanned the room to determine whose skill set would best match the urgent task at hand. Dave, who had just survived a 5000-mile RV trip with his wife, 4 kids, St. Bernard, cat, turtle, and guinea pig, was definitely the right choice.

I am all frantic, and my boss Robbi is almost chuckling as I outstretch my arms to show how long the Iguana was. She laughed, that is, until I explained that it had slithered from under my chair straight into HER office. She let out a secondary audible alert causing Phillip to drop his raffle tickets and lose count... again. I assured her that in a moment of clarity after the sighting, I had moved her Louis Vuitton carry-on bag (which she refers to as a purse) to the top of her desk. The relief shone immediately in her face as she opened another praline.

At this time, I decided it was best that I stay in the conference room to continue showing them how huge the creature is, trying to think of what it is called, knowing the Crocodile is its closest relative. All of a sudden, we hear Dave call from Robbi's office, "Crikey, I got it!" Realizing the coast was clear, Patrick got down from the top of the conference table.

Now, this is where the story gets slightly fuzzy.

Whatever Dave did when he grabbed the reptile with his bare hand... (Oh yes, he did.)... Anyway, whatever he did when he picked it up must have caused it to instantly shrink to less than half the size it was when I first saw it. It must be a defense mechanism used by larger species of Iguanas, causing them to shrink when they know they are caught. This allows them to appear smaller and less filling to prey. I mean, when Dave rounded the corner, pinched between his thumb and pointer was this little, brown... lizard. (With a smirk on its face.)

After a feeble attempt at maintaining composure, my team members busted out laughing at me. Martie even went as far as to say, "Awwwww, look Melissa, he's cuuuuute... " I was a tad embarrassed and I don't embarrass easily. But, with the evidence in Dave's hand, it seemed apparent that I had completely spazzed. That day, the Tall Tale of the Recruiting Reptile was born. Each time I re-told the story, the initial Iguana had grown larger and larger in my mind's eye. Funny, each time an HR team member re-told the story, the emerging lizard was smaller and smaller in his or her mind's eye...

So, Tuesday, upon arrival at Harcourt, Jack Everett, who had since heard the Tall Tale of the Recruiting Reptile many times, quickly asked, "Momma, where's the Black Anaconda that was under your chair?" ... Kids, they have such vivid imaginations...

On our way out, we pass the garden and who appears?? None other than the actual Iguana from that infamous day. No lie. I could tell by the sly look of recognition he gave me when he slithered by: It was him. With first-time-Mom speed, I grabbed my ever-handy digital camera just in time to snap this photo evidence before he disappeared into the dense foliage.


This photo eliminates any doubt surrounding the Iguana's size. As is common with Lochness and BigFoot sighting photos, it is often difficult to show scale. Luckily, in this photo, the Palm Tree leaves in the foreground can be used for perspective.

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