And THEN... there are times when we are not so proud. This was one of those times:
I picked Jack Everett up from school one day (over a month ago) and he had red Jello on his forehead. It was a small spot of Jello and I must confess thinking, "I wish his teacher would clean his face a little better after he eats." We were on our way to visit a friend and I wanted him to look nice. So, when we got in the car, I scrubbed his forehead with a wet wipey as he complained and pulled away. "Jack, I am not hurting you. Stop moving!"
I gave it a rest until we pulled into our friend's driveway when I saw that the Jello stain was still there. After all, that red dye sat on his forehead for hours and we all know how it stains fingers and chins. So, I combed his hair and went at it again with the wipey. He finally cried out, "Mama, you are hurting me!" I apologized, kinda rolled my eyes and figured, "Oh well, it's not that big a deal if he has a stained face."
When we got inside and I could look at it in the light, I realized that it was not Jello after all. My heart sank as it became clear that I had been vigorously scrubbing a scrape on his forehead this whole time. The scrape had totally gotten worse and the area around it was all rubbed raw, thanks to me. He was not being dramatic... it was really hurting him when I was wiping his open wound. The next day, and for almost a week, it was a dark scab.
Needless to say, I felt totally awful. Well, what's worse is that it is now (almost six weeks later) a permanent scar. It's right between his eyes and is discolored to this day. I still feel awful.
My main motive for sharing this story is that I want to remember these not-so-shining moments too. I think we share all the wonderful things and display the things we are doing "right." It's easy to blog accomplishments, cute times, and sunny stories. As young Moms, it's easy to look from the outside into other Mommies' lives and feel as though we don't measure up.
The truth is, motherhood is terribly hard, but we don't write about those things. There are times when we make mistakes and we don't feel like we can share without facing judgment. We are afraid of what others will think if we divulge that we let our kids stay up too late (guilty), let them take a sippy cup into their crib (guilty again), or if our little angels haul off and hit us or say "Dammit!" (guilty, guilty.)
We are all doing the best we can at the hardest and most important endeavor we will ever attempt. As mothers, we need to be there for one another in support, not judgment. We make decisions that we feel are for the best, and just hope that our children hold on to the happiest memories and forget the others.
In the meantime, I simply try not to beat myself up. I just take comfort in how happy he was to get a "Nemo" Band-aid that night.
5 comments:
oh, sweetie! absolutely no judgement coming from here--God knows how i mess up, and often.
thanks for sharing that. that little scar, which will fade, can remind you of how you chose bless us with your authenticity.
you're a GREAT mom!
I love your brutal honesty Melissa! You are so right that we share all of the happy times and everything always looks rosy from the outside in. I can see myself doing the same thing to one of my kids while in a hurry trying to get to the next destination. There have been lots of times when they kept complaining about something and I'm thinking "man I wish they would quit whining" and low and behold there is something wrong with them and then I feel awful! We do the best we can do and learn along the way. I always think about it this way- A bad mom wouldn't worry about all of the things we worry about and would keep on doing things without learning from mistakes.
Mistakes? What mistakes? Speak for yourself.
A 3 yr old saying "dammit"- gasp!!!
What kind of mom are you anyway?
OK, OK, I know I'm not hiding anything-you did keep my child for the weekend. I'd hate to know just how many bad habits she displayed for you (that she picked up from me I'm sure). Thanks for not judging- or did you? :-)
And yes, I also have done the ol' "oh you're fine, dust it off" only to realize that there is a true injury sometimes with blood involved. That always makes you feel good.
As Laura would say with sarcastic enthusiasm "mom of the year!"
At least you didn't leave your four month old baby home alone in his crib all day.
OK, I'll go ahead and join in this little online confessional.
We had friends over for lunch the other day and Cason was upset about not remembering to get milk at the grocery store. She said something that I didn't hear which seemed to shock the other mom. I asked her what she said, and then thinking better of it because of the other mom's unusual reaction said only halfway serious, "Maybe you shouldn't repeat it." Afterall, this was Cason, my little sweet angel who does almost everything right! The other mom said something like, "Yeah, you shouldn't repeat that."
So, later that afternoon I finally remembered to ask her about it. Matter of factly, without any emotion, Cason says, "I said, 'damnit, damnit, damnit.'"
Ohhhhhhh... not just once, but three times!!! After vehemently denying this came from me, Duane refused to let me budge. "You know, when you get really angry, you do say it three times." Busted.
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