Incentives rock.

We recently instituted a Rock Jar for Jack to reward him for unprompted use of his manners and for helping without being asked. He gets a rock when he clears the table without being asked, gets into the shower the FIRST time we ask, or when he doesn't talk back when he's told "NO." We never take rocks away... at this point. It's not really to curb misbehavior... it's just to reinforce that we appreciate how good he is 97% of the time.

When we got the jar, we quickly realized the rocks we bought were really small. So, I created a "GOAL" line with a piece of tape... so we could move it up as he progressed. When he reached the first line, he got to go to the theater to see "How to Train Your Dragon." Near the end there, we had to shift it into high gear before the movie went to DVD. He pretty much got a rock for EVERY polite thing he said.

As with any reward system I have tried, it started off swimmingly. My days were filled with "yes ma'am" and "May I get the door for you?" and "I cleared the table, see?".

As usual, it wasn't long before this attempt at organized recognition turned against us a bit. These instances mostly make me laugh, but also make me question the activity altogether.

Overheard in my house:

Jack: "Mom, watch what I am about to do in case you might want to give me a rock."
Mom: "Jack, just focus on the behavior, not on the rock."
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Mom: "Jack, Please pick up the living room because Daddy is on his way."
Jack: "Is the mess the right size for a rock?"
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Jack: "Mom, if you had a rock jar, you would probably lose one right now."
Mom: "Excuse me?..."
J: "Well, I asked for milk once. Then I asked for it two times and I still don't have milk."
M: "Jack, honey, I did not hear you, and you're not being very respectful talking to Mommy right now. Mommy does not lose or gain rocks."
J: "Mom, just focus on the behavior, not on the rocks."
(oh, yes he did.)
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Yeah, the whole "Manners ROCK!" idea has been a bit rockier than I had hoped. I do hear FAR more "yes ma'ams" than I did before we implemented it. But, there's a blurry line between rewarding behaviors that are extraordinary vs. acknowledging basic minimum expectations.

But as soon as I think these behaviors really should just be expected, I think about my days at work. Here I am 31 years old, and I am a professional, receiving a good salary. It's EXPECTED that I am going to hire a certain number of people... and EXPECTED that I turn in quality work... and that I arrive on time for duty. But, man, it sure feels good when I get a "WOW Card" or a "Great Job" every once in a while. It is satisfying to look over and see Thank you cards on my wall as a reminder that someone noticed me and that my efforts are not taken for granted.

Bottom line, as long as getting a rock puts a smile on his proud little face, we'll keep it up.

Jack Everett, we're incredibly proud of you, buddy. You are far beyond a mother's wildest expectations. Forgive us if we take your efforts for granted. You try so hard and we notice.

No amount of rocks could show how much you are loved and appreciated.

However, it looks like about three more rocks will get you that ticket to Fiesta Texas.