I hardly know what to do with him during the day. That seems weird to say, but when I was home with Jack at this age, we read book after book, did repetitive language drills, counting, sorting, etc. Baby Jack sat still, soaking in one quiet activity after another. He went with me to get pedicures, sat quietly through long lunches with friends, and was a deep sleeper at nap time.
Davis... not so much... on pretty much any of the things I just said. He goes from pulling on the Monster cable, to the remote drawer, to the electrical outlet, to yanking the lever off the recliner, to the drawer under the stove, to tipping the kitchen chairs. And then back.
I feel like I am telling him "NO" all day. I bring out blocks to stack and that turns into, "Don't hit the TV with a block! Davis, no no!" I get out wooden puzzles, "Don't throw puzzles at the dog! We're gentle with Sadie..." I pull out a bucket of toys, "Davis, where are you?" Oh, eating baby wipes, of course.
All of the doors are closed. All the time. The DVD's are blocked by two wicker blanket hampers. The top two blankets are out of said hampers because he can reach in and remove them now. The remote drawer and oven drawer are now secured. The treadmill is unplugged, plants put away, dog food up high. We had to do NONE of this the first time around. "Davis, the CD-RW's do NOT go in the toilet! JAAaaaaaackkk!!!! How many times have I told you, you HAVE to keep this bathroom door SHUT!!!"
It's entirely too hot to take him too many places in the afternoon, and he's still very much in need of his AM nap so the morning errand-window is short as well. Praise the Lord for the two-naps, because I need at least one a day as well. More often than not, I am tempted to take him to the store just because the carts have harnesses. But, what would I buy and with what money?
I just want to sit here and cry. Oh, and eat. His dimpled smile goes from ear to ear pretty much ALL DAY LONG and it breaks my heart that he's probably wondering why his Mom seems so exasperated with him all of a sudden.
Well, this morning I hit a low point with him. He was trying to tip over the wicker hampers again and I had said "No" and redirected him at least a dozen times. He was whining and throwing himself onto the carpet starting a mini-tantrum. "Davis, Mommy said NO!" He went back to the hamper, lifted the lid, yanked on the linen liner and I finally pulled him away and spanked his hand. Hard. He was crying and rolling around.
I went back to the hamper to straighten it back up. I lifted the lid and what did I see? His fresh milk cup had fallen into the hamper. My heart instantly jumped up into my throat and I felt just awful! Poor baby. All teary-eyed I scooped him up, hugged him and rocked him (for two seconds before he wriggled down), apologizing over and over. He, of course, holds no grudges and gives me pat-pats and a big toothy smile, but I still feel horrible. After all, there had been REAL tears in his little eyes and I am sure he did not understand why his Mother was not helping him get to his milk.
So today I prayed that God would renew my spirit, get me through this tough week of transition, and clearly remind me how precious this time alone with Davis really is. I also pray that I will find some new activities (can you say swingset!?), parenting tricks, and training tools to be an effective teacher and loving mother to this unique little rascal.
I guess no matter how many children you have, each one is an entirely unique experience. Just when I thought I had a fully-stocked bag of tricks for raising toddlers, I am realizing I need to start over with an empty bag. Some of my techniques will work for Davis and many will not. That's scary to me, but today I need to embrace it.
I want last week back. I want summer back. I want my mornings back, my routine back, my play group back, and most of all, I want Jack Everett back. I dropped my baby off at school and a different boy came off the bus. He's bigger, he doesn't need me to help him with his backpack, he doesn't feel like sharing about his day, and he certainly doesn't want to "snuggle" his Momma when she needs it most. Oh, and he rolls his eyes.
Tomorrow is Friday and I am ready for this week to end. I am going to dinner with several amazing Moms from our church tonight and I just hope they don't ask me how Kindergarten is going. Chances are it won't come up since most of them home-school (and I am starting to understand why), but I feel like if it does I will start crying right there at Salsalito's. I have already decided if I start to feel like crying, I will just eat faster.
It's worked for me for thirty years, so why stop now?
4 comments:
I can easily put myself in your situation and feel a lot of the same emotions. Jack not telling you about his day is like finding out about a toy Elise has been playing with everyday while someone else takes care of her and I go to work. I just want to cry because there is something I don't know about her. I also know what it feels like let her cry alone in her crib because I'm frustrated that she won't stop and feeling awful later when she throws up.
Melissa you are a wonderful mother and it will all be worth it to see what wonderful men they will grow up to be. And let me know if you need someone to eat with because I'm good at that, too!
This mommy thing is hard and when you think it is supposed to get easier- it doesn't. It just throws a curveball your way. I will be praying along with you that things will get easier and you will receive answers about how to deal with some of these oh so challenging issues (maybe from some more experienced moms who actually have answers- not like me).
So did he really pull the lever off the chair? You have to admit- that's kind of funny. Sometimes you have to laugh, otherwise you might cry.
Know that I am always here to listen.
Well, it looks like Julie left it up to me to provide all of the answers ;)
Seriously, though, it's amazing how different your children can be and how one age with one felt easy but can feel so much harder with the other. In my case, my mischievious one is Autumn, and in many cases Shelby is easier for me. You and Davis will find your groove. That's a hard age to find things to do with them.
It was kind of nice to see your post and see how much you miss Jack. I started back to work a week ago and miss the girls like crazy but they are not too affected by my absence! They are staying with Corry or his mom until school starts for them and are pretty content. I sometimes wonder who needs who more?! I think it will all get easier with each week that goes by. Change is always hard and it's so hard to see your babies grow up and be so darn independent.
After seeing Jack today and listening to him tell me what he is learning in school..How precious!! He is loving it and it is easy for him because of all the time and effort you have put in with him. I loved listening to him sing his ABC song-darling!!
Aunt Mel
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